Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
