If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
