a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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