I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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