im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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