he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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