So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize