Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
