: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
