get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
