i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
