I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
