In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
