my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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