That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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