MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize