if i can run in heels then i can drive
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
