Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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