Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
