I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
