i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
