The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize