life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
