I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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