I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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