we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
