I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
