Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
