He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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