what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
