Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
