Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
