we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
