I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
