Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
