All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You ruined the universe
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
