My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
