What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
