I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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