I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
so much tequila, so little girl.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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