Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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