this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
