I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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