Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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