you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
