I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
