Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
