2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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