There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
