I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
