My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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