You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
