this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
