I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My balls are so social today.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
