one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
