I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
