OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
being pregnant is like rehab
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
