I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
