dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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