see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
