I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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