we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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