Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
