The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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