just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
