after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
