Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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