we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
