They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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